What Is Low Self-Esteem?

4 weeks ago

How do you talk to yourself in your own head? That quiet voice shapes your sense of self-esteem, or how you see your own worth. When that inner voice is harsh, many people start to wonder, what is low self-esteem, and why do I feel this way so often?

Low self-esteem is common and usually grows slowly over time. A lot of people carry it quietly and may not even realize it has a name. Once you can spot it, you can start to change it.

What Is Low Self-Esteem in Simple Terms?

Low self-esteem means you see yourself as less important, less capable, or less worthy than other people. It is not about what others think of you, it is about how you think about you.

Someone with low self-esteem might believe they are not smart enough, attractive enough, or interesting enough, even when that is not true. These thoughts can affect how you feel each day and how you act around others.

Low self-esteem shows up in three main areas:

Thoughts: “I am a failure,” “I always mess things up.”
Feelings: shame, sadness, anxiety, or numbness.
Actions: hiding, staying quiet, or not trying new things.

If you want a deeper overview of what low self-esteem can look like, this guide on signs of low self-esteem offers more examples.

How Low Self-Esteem Is Different From Just Having a Bad Day

Everyone has bad days. You might spill coffee, argue with a friend, and feel useless for a few hours. The next day, you feel better and move on. That is a rough day.

Low self-esteem feels more constant. It shows up at school, at work, with friends, and when you are alone. For example, someone think, “I am not good enough,” almost every time they face a new task or talk to someone new. It becomes a habit, not just a mood.

Common Thoughts and Feelings

Some common thoughts include:

“I am not good enough.”
“I always mess things up.”
“People will not like me if they see the real me.”
“I do not deserve good things.”

These thoughts can trigger feelings like shame, sadness, worry, or a heavy sense of being “less than.” Over time, you may start to believe these thoughts are facts, even though they are just learned habits of thinking.

Signs You Might Notice in Yourself

Here are some everyday signs:

You feel uncomfortable when someone compliments you.
You replay mistakes in your head for days or weeks.
You avoid speaking up, even when you have something to say.
You depend on others to tell you that you did well.
You feel guilty for resting or doing something kind for yourself.

People with ongoing low self-esteem often feel unhappy with themselves. The site Better Health describes how this can affect daily life and relationships over time.

Emotional Signs: Always Feeling Less Than Others

Emotionally can feel like:

Constant self blame, even when something was not your fault.
Feeling unworthy of love, kindness, or success.
Comparing yourself to others and always placing yourself at the bottom.
Feeling like you are “too much” or “not enough,” no matter what you do.

These feelings are common, and they can change. They say more about your past experiences than your true worth.

Behavior Signs: Saying Sorry Too Much and Avoiding New Things

Low self-esteem often shows in behavior, not just in thoughts. For example:

Saying “sorry” when someone bumps into you.
Letting friends choose what to do every time because you do not want to “bother” anyone.
Staying quiet in class or meetings, even when you know the answer.
Turning down chances or new experiences because you are sure you will fail.

These actions can keep you stuck, which then seems to “prove” your negative beliefs about yourself.

Causes and How You Can Start to Change It

Usually has a history. It is not your fault. It can grow from years of small hurts, not just one big event. The good news is that self-esteem is a skill, and skills can change.

You can start with small steps. You do not need to fix everything at once. Even tiny shifts in how you speak to yourself can make a difference. If you want more ideas, the NHS has practical tips here.

Common Causes: Past Experiences and Harsh Self-Talk

Some common causes include:

Being bullied or teased.
Getting a lot of criticism at home or school.
Feeling left out or rejected by friends or family.
A big failure, breakup, or loss that hit you hard.
Constant pressure from social media to look or live a certain way.

Over time, these experiences can turn into a harsh inner voice that says, “You are not enough” or “You will just fail again.”

First Small Steps to Build Healthier Self-Esteem

You can start changing your self-esteem today with small, gentle steps:

Notice your inner voice: Catch one negative thought and say, “That is a thought, not a fact.”
Talk to yourself like a friend: Ask, “What would I say to someone I love who felt this way?”
Write down small wins: One line a day about something you did well or tried.
Reach out to someone you trust: Share how you feel with a friend, family member, or counselor.

Small steps build up over time, even when progress feels slow.

Conclusion

Low self-esteem is a pattern of seeing yourself as less worthy, not just a bad mood or rough week. Naming what is happening, and asking “what is low self-esteem” in your own life, can be the first step toward change. With kinder self-talk, real support, and simple daily habits, your view of yourself can slowly shift. Today, notice one unkind thought about yourself and gently replace it with a more compassionate one. You deserve that kindness, especially from you.

What is low self-esteem?

This means you see yourself in a negative way most of the time.
You may feel you are not good enough, not worthy, or less than others.
It affects how you think, feel, and act in daily life.

How is different from being shy or humble?

Shyness is about feeling nervous around people. Humility is about not bragging.
Low self-esteem runs deeper. You actually believe you are less valuable or less capable.
Someone can be shy and still feel good about who they are.

What are common signs?

Common signs include:

Harsh self-criticism
Constant comparison to others
Trouble accepting compliments
Fear of failure or trying new things
People-pleasing to avoid conflict
Feeling like you are a burden

If these show up often, it may point to low self-esteem.

What causes it?

Often starts from:

Critical or distant parents or caregivers
Bullying or rejection at school or work
Trauma, abuse, or neglect
Ongoing stress or failure
Unrealistic standards from family, culture, or social media

Not everyone who goes through these experiences ends up with low self-esteem, but they raise the risk.

Can someone have low self-esteem in only one area?

Yes. You might feel confident at work but insecure about your looks or relationships.
Self-esteem is not all or nothing. It can vary across parts of your life.

How does affect mental health?

Can links to higher risk of:

Depression
Anxiety
Social anxiety
Eating problems
Self-harm or suicidal thoughts

It can also keep these problems going because you feel stuck and undeserving of help.

How does show up in relationships?

It can lead to:

Clinging to people out of fear they will leave
Accepting poor treatment because you think you do not deserve better
Jealousy and constant need for reassurance
Avoiding closeness because you expect rejection

Healthy relationships are much harder when you do not feel good about yourself.

Is the same as self-hatred?

No, but they can overlap.
Low self-esteem often means you doubt your worth and feel “not enough.”
Self-hatred is stronger. It includes intense dislike and even contempt for yourself.

Can you have and still look confident?

Yes. Many people hide low self-esteem behind:

Humor
Perfectionism
Workaholism
Being the “strong” one for everyone else

On the outside, they seem confident. Inside, they feel like a fraud.

How does low self-esteem affect work or school?

It can cause you to:

Underestimate your abilities
Avoid speaking up or sharing ideas
Procrastinate because you fear failure
Stay in roles that do not fit you
Feel crushed by small setbacks

Over time, this can limit growth and lower performance.

Is low self-esteem always rooted in childhood?

Childhood experiences play a big part, but they are not the only factor.
Breakups, job loss, bullying, discrimination, illness, or burnout can shake your self-esteem as an adult.
It can also shift with major life changes, like becoming a parent or moving to a new place.

How is low self-esteem different from depression?

Low self-esteem is mainly about how you see your worth.
Depression affects your mood, energy, sleep, appetite, and interest in life.
They often show up together, but you can have one without the other.

Can low self-esteem improve?

Yes. Self-esteem is not fixed.
With support and practice, people can build a more balanced and kind view of themselves.
Therapy, honest feedback from trusted people, and small wins all help.

What actually helps build healthier self-esteem?

Helpful steps include:

Challenging harsh self-talk and checking the facts
Setting small, realistic goals and noticing progress
Spending time with people who treat you with respect
Learning to say no and keep boundaries
Practicing self-compassion instead of constant blame

Change takes time, but steady practice adds up.

When should someone seek professional help for low self-esteem?

Seek help if low self-esteem:

Interferes with work, school, or relationships
Leads to self-harm, substance use, or risky behavior
Comes with intense anxiety or depression
Makes you feel hopeless about the future

A therapist can help you understand where it comes from and build new patterns.